If my fiance and I are trying to live our lives in a Godly way and get married in the church, how can we accept her 21 year old daughter living with a male boyfriend?
Answer / Solution
The question of how to relate to ungodly family members is a dilemma that most, if not all, Christians must face at some point. There are some basic Christian principles to apply, but sometimes the specific case calls for a special solution.
One of the reasons this is such an issue is that your family won't go away. You can make new friends and avoid certain acquaintances, but you will almost certainly continue to spend time with your extended family at holidays or special events. That brings up the first question most people raise: should we exclude ourselves (or them) from these occasions?
In most cases, the answer is no, you should not avoid contact with them. The Christian principle to remember here is that worldly people must have some contact with the Gospel to be saved. If you are the practicing Christian in the family, then the most obvious point of contact is you. You are also the representative of Christ to these people. If you are judgmental and aloof, they will see Christ the same way.
Jesus got into trouble with the religious Jews because He would eat and spend time with the "sinners" of His day. His response to those who questioned Him about this was
"It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark )
Another basic principle to remember that before God granted us the grace of repentance, none of us were any better than any other sinner. Romans 2 and 3 makes it clear that we have all gone astray, that we were all guilty before God. It may be that this person will yet repent and turn to God, in which case their life is no different than ours, for we also were sinners saved by grace (Eph 2:8-9).
Sometimes these rebellious relatives will offend or attack the Christian. But Jesus has made it clear that we should forgive others because we ourselves have been forgiven (Matt ; -35).
You can have contact with these family members and extend to them the invitation of salvation without compromising your own convictions. We are called to do this in the world everyday. Some special considerations might be whether this person is a professing Christian living in sin, or if they've never been converted. Sometimes, members of the family will get saved and then treat the rest of the family with contempt, even though they were just the same only months or years before. That is not a good witness for Christ, and usually drives the family further away from God in the end.